Tired
by LadySlytherinII
Summary: Lily Evans was tired.  She didn't mean to ruin things for everyone else.  Pre Lily Evans/James Potter


Lily Evans realized, as she stepped down off the podium, that she was tired.

She'd never wanted this much responsibility. Well, maybe in an idle sort of way, but in practice, it was just work. And she had only accepted leadership of the Hogwarts Muggleborn Awareness Society (more commonly known as Mud Club) because Snape had been goading her.

The problem was that Lily really was a good leader. She was just sick of leading. Sick of organizing events that nobody attended, and handing out fliers that nobody read, and giving speeches that- well, okay, people listened to the speeches. But even so, most people at Hogwarts refused to see how differently the Muggleborn students were treated.

Sighing, Lily sat back in her seat. Winifred went up the podium and read a poem she had written about how hard it was for her to relate to her Muggle parents. At the end of the poem, Lily cheered, but deep down in her core, all she wanted to do was go home- not home to the dormitory, but to her house, her beautiful house- and sleep for a week. Maybe then the world would look better. Maybe then she'd find the strength to keep fighting.

James Potter caught up to her on the way back to the common room. "Something wrong, Evans? That speech wasn't up to your usual standards."

"Well, Potter, I thought that maybe if I made an effort to be less impressive, you'd stop following me around. Obviously, I was wrong."

"Ooh, that's cold."

"You're killing me, Potter. Can you just hurry up and ask me to Hogsmeade so I can say no and you can leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to deal with you."

Potter grinned and put his hands in his pockets. "So, Evans, want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

"No."

"Well, at least you didn't call me an arrogant berk this time. If that's not progress, I don't know what is." He turned around, whistling tunelessly, and walked away.

Potter was surprisingly absent during the next two weeks. At first, Lily felt relieved, but after a few days she began to worry that something was up. She finally broke down and asked Remus after a Prefect's meeting. He reminded her, with some surprise, that the Quidditch final was coming up.

"And sixth years hardly ever get to be Quidditch Captain, so I bet he feels like he has something to prove. And winning would give him something to talk to his dad about on Parent's Day. They don't get along."

Parent's Day. For the past six years it had been the bane of Lily's existence. The Muggle Repelling Wards on Hogwarts were too old and powerful to be lifted for a day, just for the convenience of a few students. Muggle-borns were allowed to meet their parents in Hogsmeade if they so chose, but it wasn't the same as having a mum and dad who could visit the school, meet her teachers. It wasn't fair that the pureblood students got to have this special day that the Muggle-borns didn't.

"Thanks," she said to Remus, knowing as she walked back to the common room that he would tell Potter she had asked.

Lily went to the Quidditch final like a dutiful Gryffindor. That was all she every really was these days, dutiful. She went to Prefect meetings, and did her homework, and ran Mud Club, but with none of the joy she'd used to associate with these things. And as Parent's Day got closer, every day got harder.

Because Hogwarts didn't provide transportation for Muggle parents, and trains were expensive, and it really just wasn't in the budget for Lily's family. And it hurt, every year, to see everyone else with their parents, and sitting alone in her common room because Parent's Day was a big deal, and no pureblood parent would miss it.

"And it's Sirius Black with the Quaffle, passes to MacDonald, who- drops it, and it's Narcissa Black of Slytherin with the Quaffle!" Peter Pettigrew yelled into the magical microphone. Lily sighed impatiently, wishing something, anything, would happen.

The Slytherin chasers were very precise, moving in a closely knit formation, but the Gryffindors were more creative. Peter became more flushed as he had to talk even faster to keep up with what was happening.

When Potter caught the Snitch, Lily couldn't help but stand and cheer, even though she worried briefly that he would think this meant he had a chance. Quidditch games always had a way of inflating his head, and Lily strongly suspected that he would be even more insufferable in the weeks to come.

Lily went to the victory party fully intending to have fun, but after ten minutes of Vanessa going over every play of the game and Potter and Black playing with Snitch, she was ready to give up. She sat down on a couch in the corner and hoped that nobody would notice her.

No such luck. "Hey, Evans," Potter asked, sitting next to her. "Enjoy the game?"

"I guess."

"You guess. Something must be wrong, then. You've never conceded defeat so easily before."

"Maybe I thought that if I agreed quickly, you'd have no excuse to stay and chit-chat."

"And maybe you think I'm stupid and will fall for something like that, but I'm not. Come on, Evans, level with me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You know, you're a terrible liar. Listen, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but don't tell me nothing's wrong, because we both know that's not true."

"Fine. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, then. Let's talk about my stunning victory in that Quidditch game. Did you see how I got the Snitch from right under Regulus Black's nose? Gets him back for all the nasty things he's said about Sirius over the years Blimey, it's going to be weird not to have Quidditch the rest of the term, though. I rather like being in charge of a whole team."

"I don't want to talk about Quidditch," Lily said.

"You don't want to talk about what's making you look like your pet kneazle just died, you don't want to talk about Quidditch. What _do _you want to talk about?"

"With you? Nothing."

"Fine." He walked across the room and took the Snitch back out of his pocket.

It seemed like he was done thinking about what he said, but Lily wasn't. Maybe was because he was the only person who had noticed that something was wrong, but part of her really wanted to tell him. Which was ridiculous. There was no reason to talk to James Potter. James Potter was a toerag. He was arrogant, and mean, and he and his friends acted as if they owned the school. He wasn't the kind of person Lily wanted to talk to about this. At all.

That was why what Lily did the next day was a Very Bad Idea. But Potter was sitting all by himself on the grounds, reading a book, and Lily really wanted to talk to someone. So she sat down next to him.

"It's this stupid Parent's Day," she said without preamble. "I'm so sick of the fact that, as a Mudblood, I don't get to see my parents, because Hogwarts isn't willing to foot the bill for the train."

"Don't call yourself a Mudblood," James said fiercely.

"Why not? Everyone else does."

"Doesn't mean you should say it. It's demeaning. So, you're saying you want Hogwarts to pay for your parents to come up here?"

Lily glared at him. "Well, why shouldn't I? It's not like they can Apparate, or Floo, or even hop on broomstick, so why shouldn't Hogwarts pay for the train? It costs a lot of money, and my parent's can't afford it. So I don't _get _to see my parents on Parent's Day, Potter."

"Then why don't you do something about it? Organize a protest. Isn't that what you do?"

"This is different. Those protests don't change anything. Nobody pays attention to what's being said."

"Then get their attention. Do something big"

"Like what?"

"I don't know." He leaned back against a tree, thinking. "You could shut down the Floo, so pureblood parents can't get in."

"They could still Apparate."

"True, but only to Hogsmeade. That's were all the Muggleborn students have to meet their parents. Why don't we make the same true for Pureblood?"

"Potter, there a million problems with that idea. Firstly, shutting down the Floo without Dumbledore noticing would be really hard. Secondly, Dumbledore wouldn't let us if we asked him to help, and I'd get in a lot of trouble if I got caught."

"Well, what about making it just _look _like the Floo won't let them in? Send a letter to all the parents saying the Floo has been malfunctioning, and scan it before they use it, then make sure the scan reads not working. It wouldn't be that hard."

"I wouldn't even know how to begin doing that.

Potter grinned. "Are you kidding me? It'd be easy."

"Well, if it's so easy, Potter, then why don't you do it?"

"Maybe I will. This could be the kind of project I've been looking for."

In retrospect, Lily hadn't actually expected Potter to go through with it. It was supposed to be just talk, the kind of idle planning that makes you feel as if you've accomplished something without any of the work- or the consequences. The kind of thing that makes you feel better about whatever isn't working in your life.

Over the next several days, Potter and his friends showed up to class every morning looking tired and worn. When Lily asked him what was going on, he said that the owls had been sent and they were working on the magic.

"The spell requires multiple people working, and that makes it more difficult," he explained, stifling a yawn. "We've been up every night doing it, but it'll be done on time."

Parent's Day arrived. At first, nobody noticed the difference. When no parents had shown up by nine, everyone figured they were having a lie-in. When no parents had shown up by ten, a couple of people looked worried. Normally at least a couple of parents came to take their kid out to brunch. The Muggle-borns who's parents were meeting them in Hogsmeade were escorted out, but everyone else was in a state of high anxiety. Students began to receive owls from their parents asking to meet them in Hogwarts, because James had, somehow, managed to make it impossible for them to get in.

When no parents had shown up by two in the afternoon, and half the school was in Hogsmeade with their parents, Professor Dumbledore left to investigate, announcing that he would fix whatever was going wrong at once.

At two-thirty, Potter and his friends were called into Professor Dumbledore's office.

At three-fifteen, everyone was called into the Great Hall. Since lots of students were in Hogsmeade, it wasn't until almost three-forty that Dumbledore managed to begin his speech.

"You will be pleased to know that the problem preventing parents from coming to Hogwarts has been remedied. The culprits have been caught and punished accordingly, and your parents will be coming at four." Dumbledore peered at the assembled students over his glasses.

"I wanted to talk to everyone, very seriously, before the parents arrived. While I will not tell you the identities of the students responsible for this mishap, I will tell you that they brought something to my attention. Parent's Day is not fair to Muggle-born students. And though I have tried, over my years as headmaster, to rectify this, I am forced to admit that it hasn't been working. The wards on Hogwarts are too powerful to be lifted, and there is no easy way to bring Muggles from around Britain to Hogsmeade without a great amount of hassle, and money that Hogwarts cannot afford to spend. Therefore, it is my sad duty to inform you that this will be the last Parent's Day that Hogwarts will host."

There was an outburst of rage from many of the students, but Lily couldn't listen. She felt like somebody had taken a spoon and scooped out her insides. This wasn't what she had wanted. Was the only way to make Parent's Day fair really to cancel it, or was Dumbledore just not trying hard enough? Cancelling Parent's Day wouldn't make it any more fair. What would make it fair would be to _try_ to fix the wards to allow Muggles, or fundraise to provide transportation. Anything but admitting defeat without trying.

Dumbledore wasn't a blood purist, but Lily still didn't think he really understood what it was like to be Muggle-born. If he did, he would try harder.

He should have tried harder.

When leaving the Great Hall, Lily caught up to Potter and his friends. "So, what happened to you guys?" she asked. Black looked at her curiously.

Potter shrugged. "Nothing big. Weekly detentions until the end of the school year, but that's only about a month away, so it's not that bad."

"Oh. Okay."

Several days went by in which everyone seemed to be complaining about Professor Dumbledore's decision. The good news was that since he hadn't given names, nobody was mad at Lily. Not that they would have been anyways, since Potter was the one who had actually done it.

Lily organized more fiercely, but the life had gone out of Mud Club. Everyone seemed to think that it was easier to make things worse than better, and some people suggested that they just stop trying. Lily didn't want to stop trying, but she was frustrated, too, and they just kept hitting dead ends. She was sick of being in charge of a group that never got anywhere, and eventually decided that they should halt action until the end of term. Next year they would discuss if they wanted to continue.

As the end of the year approached, one last Hogsmeade weekend was announced, and within a day of it's announcement, Potter had found her.

"Listen, I know you'll probably say no, and if you do, I'll never bug you about this again, but would you come to Hogsmeade with me?"

Lily looked down. "Potter, what would you do if I ever said yes?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know. You've never said yes."

Lily thought about how easily Potter lead the Quidditch team. How much he had enjoyed sabotaging Parent's Day. How easily he got along with people. Lily had had trouble getting along with people ever since she and Snape stopped being friends. She thought about how hard of a time she had leading things, and how much Potter's support had helped her get an audience for her speeches.

How much she wanted to just let go and stop having to be in charge all the time.

Then she thought of how horrible a reason that was to go out with someone.

"Not this time," she said finally, looking him in they eye. "But don't stop asking."


End file.
